alexalgebra

Hi, my name is Alexander and I'm a junk food junkie.  I've traveled the world and experienced many strange flavors of potato chips from gyoza-flavored in Japan to Diablo-flavored in Mexico.  Here are my top ten favorite flavors:

10.) French consomme - Japan



These chips sound like they would be the worst thing ever, but they are nothing short of amazing.  The taste is difficult to describe.  Having never actually eaten French consomme, I can't comment on the accuracy of the flavor, but I can tell you it's salty, full of MSG, and delicious!


9.) Maui sweet onion (Frito Lays) - Hawaii



These chips are only available in Hawaii and are far superior to the ones that you can get on the US mainland.  Granted, I haven't done a side-by-side taste test and it is entirely possible that the warm, tropical air and fruity drinks swayed my opinion, but nevertheless, these chips kick ass.

8.) Maduros plantain chips(The Corn Party) - Costa Rica



The photo actually is of the green plantain chips, which are amazing, but on my last trip to Costa Rica, I discovered the maduros flavor.  Maduros are ripe plantains that are much sweeter than the green ones, adding up to a near-orgasmic starchy treat experience.  (No, I have no idea why the brand is called Corn Party when they only make plantains.  I choose not to question it, but to accept and embrace it in all its tasty goodness.)

7.) Hot Wings and Blue Cheese (Doritos) - USA


I'm usually pretty uninspired by Doritos flavors, and they seem to get rid of all the good ones anyway (pepper jack, anyone?) but these chips are the bomb!  Again, since I'm a vegetarian, I look to chemically-altered junk food for my meaty-tasting treats and this definitely does the trick.  It really tastes like hot wings and blue cheese (not bleu cheese, mind you).

6.) Honey Mustard (Tim's Cascade) - Pacific Northwest

Tim's Cascade is probably my favorite brand of chips on the planet.  I can down even a bag of plain ones in mere seconds.  However, their honey mustard chips are, hands down, my favorite Tim's flavor ever (except for that one summer when they had limited edition ketchup chips!). 

5.) Honey and Garlic (Miss Vickie's) - Canada



In my search for a photo of these chips, I found a site that sells them for $15.99 for 4 bags plus an additional $17.99 for shipping.  Seeing as these are some of the most amazing potato products ever to grace my eager tongue with their existence, I'm almost considering getting some, despite the fact that I pay less than that for electricity some months.

4.) Nacho Italiano (Doritos) - Canada



Another treat from the Great White North!  I don't think they make these anymore, but they were reminiscent of the Pizzarias chips that were produced in the early '90s.  Speaking of Pizzarias, click here to sign a petition to bring them back!

3.) Bacon ranch (Pringles) - USA



I had to sneak one more domestic favorite in here, and these are a doozy!  If I were to think of the two best things in the world to combine together to form what would possibly be the worst-for-me treat ever, it would be bacon and mayonnaise.  Ranch, however, is a close relative to mayonnaise and these chips do the trick.  They really taste just like ranch dressing and bacon!  Mr. Pringle don't lie!

2.) Pizzerolas (Doritos) - Mexico



I bought these when I was in Mexico hoping that they would be similar to the Nacho Italiano Doritos I had eaten in Canada, but I was pleasantly surprised to find out that they actually tasted exactly like the Mexican pizza at Taco Bell.  I don't quite understand, as the picture on the bag specifically denotes that they are pepperoni pizza, but I'm happy nevertheless.

1.) Ketchup (any brand) - Canada



My personal favorite brand of ketchup chips are the ones from Zeller's, as they are the ketchupiest, but any kind will do.  Once, my ex and I actually made the five-hour drive to the Canadian border just to get ketchup chips.  Coming back into the states, we were stopped by the border police, who asked us why we had come into Canada.  We told the truth, and naturally the woman didn't believe us.  We rolled down the back window, displaying a back seat literally filled with grocery bags full of ketchup chips.  She threatened to have the car searched, but her superior just giggled at us and waved us through.  Ketchup chips win again!

What do you all think?  What's your favorite flavor?

After I quit drinking, I started watching MTV reality shows for hours every day.  I could only take so many awkward, scripted first dates and hot tub make seshes (an aside: why is it that the girls always make out with each other but the boys don't?), so I nipped it in the bud, cutting my cable to save my soul from eternal damnation in the bowels of drunkenfratboyland.

However, there is one show on television that stands out among the masses of generic, overtired reality competitions and that is the one and only PROJECT RUNWAY!

For those of you out of the loop, the season four premiere was last night.  Much to my delight, I found a fabulous friend that shares my love of fashion and diva drama and has digital cable, so we got to watch it together!  Here's my take on the outfits for last night's challenge:

(For those of you who didn't watch, the challenge was to create an outfit that expresses who you are as a designer.  Pretty basic.)

Jillian:


We didn't hear too much from Jillian on this episode, but it looks like she is going to be involved in some major drama next week.  My impression so far is that she's a real '80s girl, from the looks of this dress and the fact that her fashion must is a "sweater dress worn with opaque colored tights," according to bravotv.com.

I've been known to be an '80s boy, but I was not digging this dress.  It was almost cute, but not quite.  I love the bright color and love the bubble skirt, but I don't like how the top makes her torso look a giraffe neck.  There's just something about the cut that elongates her in a strange way.

Christian:


Christian, Christian, Christian...I LOVE HIM!  He's fierce and bitchy and arrogant and so, so hot!  I love his clothes and his wacky, wacky hair!  He's so avant garde and NYC and 21 and he sounds like a girl and it's just fabulous!

His outfit, however, was less fabulous.  I hate anything brown and anything with puffy sleeves, though, so I suppose I'm biased, but still, I feel like it's not all that original.  I can see how the judges liked it because it has that "high fashion" feel to it.  It's growing on me, kind of like eggplant.  Put a good sauce on it and it's a lot easier to swallow.

Jack:


Jack is another one of my favorites.  He's from Seattle and wears a really cute argyle sweater-vest on the bravotv.com website, which makes me like him even more.  He didn't talk much in this episode, but next week he's making a big announcement (I know what it is!) that's kind of sad.

I loved his dress though!  I think it was my favorite.  I like the interesting front, the fabric combination works so well, and the bag with the scarf was the perfect touch.  I'm looking forward to seeing more from him.

Kevin:


We didn't learn too much about Kevin this episode, but I kind of love this dress in all of it's tacky, ugly glory.  The corset totally doesn't match and overall, she kind of looks like a French hooker, but I like shiny things.  The dress sans shiny is pretty cute, though, and I absolutely love the colors.  I would have picked different shoes and done her hair up, though.

Chris:


I love Chris.  He is a costume designer and some of his old designs are AMAZING.  He has a dress that looks like a salad!  A SALAD!!!  I can't even comprehend the fantasticity of that!

This dress was nice, but it didn't blow me away.  I'm really looking forward to seeing something a little more interesting from him, hopefully, when the challenges get a little more creative.

Marion:


We didn't learn much about Marion during this episode, so all I can say is that his dress is a hot mess.  It looks like a dumpster of carpet remnants had sex with Frederick's of Hollywood, who had a drinking problem, and birthed this monstrosity.

Kit:


Kit is one of the designers this year that I am really excited about.  I love her style and I loved some of the things that were in her portfolio.  Her dress from last night was definitely interesting, although I feel like it had a lot of potential, but really fell short.  The fabrics look great together and the idea is cute, but what's up with the peek-a-boob?  It ruined a perfectly good dress!

Steven:


Steven seems really boring.  His outfit was really boring.  I like the cut and the colors and everything, but it's nothing I haven't seen done before.  I'm guessing he's going to be one of the first to go.  Next!

Carmen:


Carmen is going to be the diva bitch goddess of the season.  I said that to my friend last night and he got mad at me for being judgemental, but really, her head was almost too big to fit into their Gotham City Apartment.  Plus, he's right.  I *am* judgemental, but my judgements are almost always right...so THERE!

I kind of hate this outfit.  I can see how someone might like it, because it's kind of interesting, but personally, I hate it.  It looks like I Dream of Jeanie meets the Hunchback of Notre Dame.  And parachute pants?  Really?  Really??

Sweet P:


Her name is Sweet P.  She's an old bikerdyke.  She's going to be this seasons Laura/Wendy Pepper.  I hate her already, can you tell?

This dress looks like a potato sack dressed up for Christmas, except a hippie got ahold of it and added those fugly straps on top.  Ugh.  I think this was my least favorite.

Victorya:


Victorya seems nice enough.  I don't really remember too much of what she said last night, even though she had a fair amount of screen time.  I suppose that says something about her personality (or it could just be that I only pay attention to what the hotties say).

I don't understand why the judges were shitting themselves over this dress.  It's ugly and unfocused.  That flower is ridiculous, as are the weird side straps.  It just looks like fallen bra straps or something and I had to more or less physically hold my hands down to keep from reaching out to the television and pushing them up where they belong.  Ew.

Elisa:


I know you all will hate me for this, but I LOVE THE CRAZY HIPPIE LADY!!  When she started smearing the expensive fabric into the grass to give it an "organic look," I almost peed myself with excitement.  Then, when they showed her sitting on her table, using herself as a dress form, I clapped my hands with glee, much to the chagrin of my friend, who was sitting next to me screaming about how she needs to get kicked off first.  Give her a chance, Nina, give her a chance!!

Her dress was adorable.  It did look like she was pooing fabric and I think the placement was a little off, but had she cut the fabric down a little bit and moved it up a little higher, it would have been great.  The front of the dress is super cute, as is the bunched up part on the inside of the bottom.  Oh, and those boots!  I love them!  She's a wacky mermaid!

Simone:


I had a feeling Simone was going to get kicked off first.  I'm glad, I didn't like her creepy, watery-eyed dog face, looking all self-depricating on screen.  She knew she sucked, we knew she sucked.  Auf'd.

Rami:


Rami has a lot of promise.  I'm really excited to see what he has to say and to see what comes out from him in the next few episodes.

This dress is fabulous and deserved to win.  It's simple yet elegant, expertly draped and constructed, and it makes her look like a Greek statue.  I love the flower and I definitely don't agree with Kors' MOB comment.  It's perfect.

So...what do you all think?  Agree or disagree?  I want to hear your comments!

Nothing gets my fabulous little heart beating faster than some good ol' fashioned genderbending.  Here's my top ten list of men who dare to break the gender binary rules by sporting makeup:

10. Pete Wentz



Pete doesn't do very interesting makeup, but he has popularized guyliner and made it socially acceptable, and for that, I thank him.

9. Davey Havok



AFI is one of the first bands of its genre and Davey has been rocking the guyliner for years.  The added touch of the pink eyeshadow makes me squee in androgynous glee.


8. Tim Curry



He's just a sweet transvestite.  'Nuff said.

7. Marilyn Manson



Marilyn Manson brought gothic makeup and fashion to the masses and scared the s**t out of parents everywhere.  I almost used the term "shock rocker" in the previous sentence, but then I took it out because I didn't want to sound like a cliche.  Go me.

6. Boy George



What list of androgynous famous people would be complete without Boy George?  I didn't understand him then and I don't understand him now, but nevertheless, I love his makeup more than words can describe.

5. Johnny Depp



Johnny Depp is really hot.  Then, just when you thought life couldn't get any better, he puts on some makeup and somehow gets even hotter!  It's amazing.

4. Gerard Way/Frank Iero



I couldn't decide between these two, so I put them both on my list.  I actually prefer Gerard's fake wound makeup, but I couldn't find a decent picture, so I've got his zombie look instead.  Then, there's Frank.  *fanboysigh*

3. Gackt



Gackt doesn't always have really interesting makeup, but he's Japanese and gorgeous and his simple makeup makes him look as tantalizing as a refreshing glass of melon soda on a Kyoto summer's day.

2. Ryan Ross



Ryro uses his face as a canvas for strange works of art, such as birds flying into the sunset or his face splitting into two.  Sadly, he seems to have left the makeup behind lately, but here's hoping that he comes to the table with even more interesting designs in the future.

1. David Bowie



Ziggy Stardust is my number one man in makeup.  He's one of the O.G.s of the genderbending scene and he did it better than a lot of the guys that are out there doing it today.  Plus, check out those fabulous boots!

I know a lot of you will be upset because I left a lot of guys out of the list.  Honorable mentions go to:
Jared Leto
Billie Joe Armstrong
Brendon Urie
Matt Good
Mike Ness
Robert Smith
Mikey Martin
Shawn Harris
Brandon Flowers
Ville Valo

Who doesn't love a good road trip?  These are my favorite top ten roadside attractions in the United States that I have been to (with the exception of number seven, the Coral Castle). 

10. Mike the Headless Chicken - Fruita, Colorado



Mike the Headless Chicken originally had a head.  He was a healthy, normal chicken until one day, someone decided to eat him.  His head was cut off, but the person that did the chopping didn't do a particularly good job, leaving part of the brain stem.  Mike went on to live another 18 months, being dutifully fed from an eyedropper by his would-be murderer, until he choked one day on a corn kernel.  Now he is memorialized in a festival held every year in May.

9. Old Faithful (of California) - Calistoga, California



This geyser usually erupts about every 45 minutes, although the day I was there it seemed a little more frequent than that.  However, the geyser isn't the only excitement at this attraction; they have fainting goats!  Sort of.  They don't really faint all the way, but if you run at them screaming wearing a robot costume, they do twitch and buckle at the knees for a few seconds.  Not that I would know.

8. Marsh's Free Museum - Long Beach, WA



The major draw to Marsh's Free Museum is Jake, the Alligator Man, who is pictured above.  The museum is filled with many other curios to make the trip out to Long Beach worthwhile, though.  They have enough taxidermied animals to open a zombie zoo and a large collection of old arcade machines, including ones with dirty movies.  There are even some weird old dioramas with creepy Christian messages.  Also, don't forget to visit the World's Largest Frying Pan, located across the street!

7. Coral Castle - Homestead, Florida



This is the only attraction on my list that I have not visited, but I hope to see it someday.  Edward Leeskalnin, a Ukranian immigrant, built this compound out of huge rocks of coral, each weighing up to 30 tons, without the use of any construction equipment.  How he did it is a complete mystery, but he is incredibly fascinating.

6. Trees of Mystery - Klamath, California



When driving on Highway 101 through the redwoods, you can't miss the Trees of Mystery.  There is a giant Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox standing in from, beckoning you to drop by and say hello.  On weekends, Paul actually talks to you!  For a good time, try fondling Babe's big blue balls and see what he has to say.  I've never actually seen the mysterious trees themselves, but I hear it's pretty disappointing.  The gift shop, however, is pretty amazing and has a machine that makes fresh carmel corn for a quarter.

5. Wall Drug - Wall, South Dakota



Wall Drug has billboards starting about 500 miles away, advertising free ice water, its initial draw to get customers to stop by.  These days, this attraction has a lot more to offer.  In addition to the free ice water, there is an enormous gift shop and many animatronic vignettes to delight people of all ages.  Watch out for the T-Rex, he's fierce!

4. Mystery Spot - Santa Cruz, California



There are many of these so-called "mystery spots" around the country, and I've been to most of them.  The Mystery Spot of Santa Cruz, California is my favorite, with the Oregon Vortex a close second.  Essentially, in these mystery spots, gravity is defied, no one can stand up straight, balls roll uphill, pedulums swing the wrong way.  There are many theories about why these things happen, but no one really knows.  Or do they?

3. Our Lady of Mt. Carmel Monastery - Munster, Indiana



This one isn't intended to be a roadside attraction, it's actually a pilgrimage site, but nonetheless, it's one of the most fascinating places I've ever been.  When you drive up, it just looks like a normal church with a large yard.  Upon closer examination, you see a giant behemoth of a building covered in rock.  Inside, is a winding cave several stories tall, accented with quartz and coral, and filled with religious shrines.  There is an entire hall of frescoes that is about half a city block long.  Don't miss the holy stairs across the yard that you must ascend on your knees only!

2. Ship Ashore - Smith River, California



This place is Mecca for anyone who likes creepy museums.  I have never seen anything like it in my life, and I hope to God I never do.  The top floor is a gift shop, but precariously stepping down the tiny stairs to the museum is a little like stepping down into the set for a horror movie.  There are several rooms dedicated to animal parts in jars (including a whale eyeball and fetus), an ancient, loud nickelodeon, a pirate wax figure diorama, and a display of taxidermied animals intertwined with stuffed toy animals.  What really took the cake was the room of Nazi memoribilia followed by an empty room, save for a taxidermied crocodile missing an eye and covered in blood.  True story.

1. Rock City - Chatanooga, Tennessee



As a child growing up in Indiana, we took many road trips down to Florida to visit relatives and I was always taunted by giant barn roofs painted with the words, "See Rock City."  Finally, the summer after my first year of university, I took a five-week long road trip with my boyfriend-at-the-time solely to see Rock City.  It was completely worth it.  The majority of the attraction is a hike through mossy rocks that look like a fairyland.  The hike has a lookout called Lover's Leap where you can actually view seven different states at once (TN, GA, KY, SC, NC, AL, and VA).  However, the most amazing part of this attraction is the caves.  There are several caves, dripping with coral, day-glo paint, and rhinestones, full of dioramas of Mother Goose stories and gnomes.

Today's list is taken from newageamazon's birthday request of having people list a song from each year of his/her life.

1. 1982 - The Go-Go's, "Vacation"




I was a little disappointed to find out that "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey was actually released in 1981, not 1982, but this song is a good runner-up for my actual birth year.

2. 1983 - Social Distortion, "Mommy's Little Monster"



Mike Ness, one of the forefathers of guyliner, has to be represented somewhere in my list!  "Out of Step" by Minor Threat was my second choice for this year.

3. 1984 - Bruce Springsteen, "Dancing in the Dark"



Some of my best memories from when I was a little kid are of my mom and I singing and dancing to this song.  When my mom likes a song, she is a woman possessed, playing it on repeat until no one can stand it anymore.  This was one definitely one of those songs, but I never tired of it.

1985 - USA for Africa, "We are the World"



This song was another one of my mother and my favorites.  I even learned how to play it on my recorder, which was extremely exciting at the time.

1986 - The Bangles, "Walk Like an Egyptian"



This was *the* song to dance to at Skateland USA, my local roller rink, when I was a kid.

1987 - Pet Shop Boys, "It's a Sin"

 

Homos represent!

1988 - Guns 'N' Roses, "Sweet Child O' Mine"



This song is near and dear to my heart.  I even dressed up as Axl Rose for Halloween one year a few years after this song came out.

1989 - Nine Inch Nails, "Something I Can Never Have"



Story of my life.

1990 - New Kids on the Block, "Step by Step"



This was my first concert ever.  It was amazing.  I still wear the T-shirt on a regular basis.

1991 - Smashing Pumpkins, "Rhinoceros"



One of the best songs by Smashing Pumpkins.  I really wish they still played it live.

1992 - Sir MixaLot, "Baby Got Back"




I was going to say "Smells Like Teen Spirit," just because it had such an impact, but I honestly have never been into Nirvana.  I was ridiculously in love with this song, though, and sang it around the house non-stop, much to the chagrin of my parents.

1993 - SWV, "Weak"



I believe I told someone the other day that my first slow dance was to "Everything I Do (I Do It For You)" by Bryan Adams, but I was sorely mistaken.  It was actually this song, and my second slow dance was to Bryan Adams.

1994 - Green Day, "Basketcase"



This song started a revolution in my brain.  This is why I'm the kickass punk rocker that I am today.  I saw the video to this and went, something broke, and I said, "Holy *&^!  That is the hottest man I have ever seen and I must become him!"  It hasn't happened yet, but I'm still working on it.

1995 - Rancid, "Ruby Soho"



A few years after this album came out, I lost my virginity to this song.  I hope to God I never have to hear Tim Armstrong's voice again.

1996 -  Weezer, "Why Bother?"



I love every song from this album and it got me through some tough times.  I can't say I haven't emoed out to this one in particular on more than one occasion.

1997 - Harvey Danger, "Private Helicopter"



Harvey Danger is, hands down, my favorite band of all time.  Sean Nelson is a god among men and I've actually had to buy this CD three times because I wore out my first two copies.  Check out my zine Cappuccino #2 for an exclusive interview with these guys circa 1998.

1998 - Elliott Smith, "Waltz #2"



I was in love with this man, then he went and stabbed himself.  I haven't been able to listen to the bastard since.

1999 - The Dismemberment Plan, "Gyroscope"



Every time I saw this band play live (upwards of about 15 times, I'd guess), I would always request this song and they would always play it for me.  This album pretty much sums up college for me.

2000 - Murder City Devils, "Press Gang"



My love for this band knows no bounds.  NW represent!

2001 - Thursday, "Paris in Flames"



This was my foray into "screamo," which brought me into better bands, like Saetia, which was my second choice for this year.

2002 - Jimmy Eat World, "The Middle"



My ex-boyfriend and I did a lot of making out to this song.  I'm not quite sure why.

2003 - Linkin Park, "Breaking the Habit"



I more or less stopped listening to music around this time because I was too busy being a self-destructive party boy.  This song ended up having a lot more meaning to me later on.

2004 - My Chemical Romance, "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)"



I didn't listen to this band back then because by this time, I had completely abandoned music for alcohol/gay bars, but now I'm a fan of this band.

2005 - Alcazar, "Alcastar"




2005 was the year my feet finally touched non-North American soil.  Sweden changed my life.  You can be an Alcastar!

2006 - Panic! at the Disco, "I Write Sins Not Tragedies"



This band revived my passion for music.  The first time I heard this album, my jaw dropped to the floor.  It combined wit, dance beats, rock, and musicals in this amazing way that I had never quite heard before and I'm still hooked on it.

2007 - Cobra Starship, "Guilty Pleasure"



I can't stop listening to this CD and this song has been stuck in my head since I got it.

I'm stealing this idea from albertofumora.  Tonight's list is a list of things that I've done in my 25 years of life.

• Became a vegetarian
• Graduted from university with a B.S.
• Was straight edge for 8 years, then drank for 3, then got sober
• Had a lot of sex, then stopped having a lot of sex
• Came out
• Was a birthday party clown
• Was a department manager in a software company
• Got a job in the travel industry
• Travelled to 39 states and 10 countries
• Lived in a city away from my family
• Learned how to speak three languages other than my native one to an intermediate level
• Bought a new car
• Had two serious relationships
• Lost a grandparent
• Loved and lost
• Played shows as a solo performance art/musical act
  
• Recorded an album myself and sold fifty copies
  
• Was written up in The Stranger and recognized in public a couple of times due to aforementioned shows
  
• Made some amazing friends
• Dyed my hair every color of the rainbow
• Went to San Francisco Pride twice
• Written two issues of my own zine
• Written one issue of my own comic book
• Written many short stories
• Learned how to live life on life's terms
• Learned how to not have so many resentments
• Interviewed and met a lot of my favorite bands
• Made some of my own clothes
  

What lyrics make you want to carve broken hearts into your skin as you cry in the corner, one tear-stained cheek glinting in the dim light, the other hidden behind your sideswept hair?

These are my personal favorites:

10. Taking Back Sunday, "You're So Last Summer"



The truth is you could slit my throat
and with my one last gasping breath
I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt

I don't particularly care for this song or this band, but I had to put that line in because it's just so goddamned emo.


9. The Smiths, "There is a Light That Never Goes Out"




And if a double-decker bus crashes into us
To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die

Aww...that's so sweet!  I can only hope to find a man who will write a love song to me about our tragic deaths.

8. The Postal Service, "The District Sleeps Alone Tonight"



A stranger with your door key
Explaining that I'm just visiting
And I am finally seeing that I was the one worth leaving

What's a list of emo songs without Ben Gibbard?  I hate Death Cab for Cutie too much to sift through those lyrics, so I went with one from his tolerable (dare I say enjoyable, even) side band, The Postal Service.  This one is a different kind of emo, but it still stabs me in the heart and twists a little bit.  Perhaps more of a nail file than a knife, but still, a hole in the heart is a hole in the heart.

7. Atreyu, "Someone's Standing on my Chest"




Please don't worry too much
It only hurts when I breathe

Whenever I wear my "It only hurts when I breathe" Atreyu shirt into Hot Topic, I get hit on by an employee.  Usually, it's an employee who is about seven years my junior and was just finishing up potty training when this CD came out.  Just thought I'd share.

6. Thursday, "How Long is the Night?"



I will never sleep again
I'll never even close my eyes

This song kills me every time.  Once, I was screaming along to it and my wacky neighbor came over to ask me if everything was ok.  She didn't realize I was singing to a song; she thought I was just "emoting".  Plus, the lead singer bats for my team!

5. Saves The Day, "See You"



My gut is burning.  Won't you find me some water?
Hey, just forget it can you bring me gasoline
and collect a couple forks, hold them three feet apart
and wait for lightning to strike to burn me up?

It was really hard to choose just one Saves the Day song, so I randomly picked this one.  My love for this band knows no bounds.

4. New Found Glory, "Dressed to Kill"



I can't sleep anymore since you left
I miss you singing me to sleep
I can't wake anymore in your arms
I miss you singing me to sleep

The lyrics I chose for this one aren't as overdramatically emo as some of the others, but this son-of-a-bitch makes me want to cry every time I hear it, despite the fact that it's camoflauged as a poppy punk song.  I'm no pussy either, my heart is as black as my guyliner, so that says a lot about the emoness of these lyrics.

3. Fall Out Boy, "The Pros and Cons of Breathing"



I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself

It was really, really difficult to pick the most emo Fall Out Boy song, so upon a friend's recommendation, I went with this one.  With a title like that, you know you've got an emo gem on your hands.

2. Juno, "The Great Salt Lake/Into the Lavender Crevices of the Evening the Otters Have Been Pushed"



He thinks this is where I'm coming from
The dark suits me

As we all know, it may take more than love to keep the poison down
and she's somewhere now as he's sweating it out

This song is so emo I couldn't pick one line!  If you haven't heard this song or this band before, you should definitely try to get ahold of their album "This is the Way it Goes and Goes."  Try checking your local used record store's bargain bin.  Why?  I don't know, but that's where I found my copy of Juno's second album.  It's tragic, but rock and roll is full of tragedies.

1. Saetia, "Some Natures Catch No Plagues"



There is no happy here, there is no happy here

It's too bad, it's too tragic
I spent myself choking on the motions
leading up to
said
misfortune

These kids might have been in their teens when they formed this band, but they knew how to put the emotional hurt down like a seasoned professional.  Once again, I couldn't choose just one set of lyrics from this song because I was too busy slitting my wrists to decide.  Remember, across the street, not down the road!

It's late and I'm bored, so here's a list of my top ten (American) cartoon theme songs!

What do you all think?

10. Kappa Mikey



The show itself is quite amazing, for a newer cartoon.  The plot centers around a guy named Mikey who wins a contest that gets him a lead role on a Japanese anime show.  Hilarity ensues.  However, in addition to the show being hilarious, it also has a catchy, punky theme song.

9. Muppet Babies



Who doesn't love Muppet Babies?  With a frog-loving pig, Nanny's fashion-forward striped tights, and questionable creatures (I'm looking at you, Bunsen Honeydew), you just can't say no.  I also can't say no to a cartoon theme song where each character gets his or her own line.  I have blue hair!

8. Tiny Toons



Tiny Toons was one of the first Warner Bros. cartoons of the '90s to appeal to adults as well a kids by using old-fashioned gags alongside current pop culture references.  It was also the best, in my opinion, and had the best theme song (although Animaniacs was a close second).  The Tiny Toons movie, How I Spent My Summer Vacation is quite possibly the most entertaining piece of animation in existence.  If you haven't seen it, run, don't walk, to the nearest movie store and get it.  NOW!  GO!!  You can read the rest of the list later!

7. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles



They're really hip.  Get a grip!  A large percentage of my childhood memories revolve around these half-shelled herpetiles and their catchy theme song.  I wanted to be Raphael, how about you?

6. Captain Planet



Earth!  Fire!  Wind!  Water!  Heart!  Wait...heart?  What the hell?  Did they just need to fit in another stereotype to represent all of the continents?  What about Australia and Antarctica?!  I would sue the Captain himself for discrimination, but I'm too busy doing my choreograped dance I made when I was ten to this tubular theme song.

5. Jem



Jem was outrageous and so was her theme song.  I don't know about you, but I still covet her amazing makeups and awesome '80s minidresses (and Rio, meow)!

4. Duck Tales



Adventure!  Intrigue!  Danger!  The ability to swim in money!  Duck Tales had it all, including a theme song that will stick in your head FOREVER!  Sing it with me, folks - Duck Tales, WOO-OO!

3. Rocko's Modern Life



My ex had a thing about making me perform for people, kind of like a dancing monkey.  I'm an attention whore, so I never really minded much.  One of his favorite Stupid Alex Tricks was my apparently amazing impression of Filburt, the turtle that marries the dentist with a hook for a hand.  Now that you know that pointless fact about me, let's talk about what's important: the theme song.  Any TV show about a wallaby that's best friends with a cow has to have a theme song by the B-52s.  If it were any other way, the world might have stopped turning.

2. Super Mario Bros. Super Show



Technically, this is a variety show, not just a cartoon, but any show that has its own dance is worthy of the number two spot on this list.  Do the Mario, paisanos!

1. Tintin



Blistering barnacles!  This one might be a little esoteric, and it's French Canadian, but my love of Tintin knows no bounds.  The theme song is so epic, I can't help but scrunch up my face, emotionally pump my fist, and aggressively hum along whenever I hear it.  I also like to sing it to myself when I'm performing extra daring maneuvers through downtown Portland traffic on my bike.